So a couple months after my daughter was born I picked out her husband. Lovely boy, good family, good genes... etc. As they've gotten older, I stand by that choice. He's a good-looking, sweetheart of a kid and they are best friends. Naturally, they are not interested in marrying each other.
My daughter keeps picking boys that are borderline juvenile delinquents. Not bad kids necessarily, but not what I have in mind for her. (Naturally, since I believe her to be perfect I have this HUGE checklist of noble qualities & ambitions her boyfriends should all have.) I also kind of think that who she dates is a reflection on me. Like I have raised her to only feel comfortable with these delinquent type kids. So in the midst of one of my lectures to her (which by the way, are kind of never-ending) I drop that statement in. My child looks me in the face and says quite nicely, "You know, sometimes I just do things because I want to. Not everything is about you."
A few days later my best friend gives me a book to read. It's about these two best friends. She says she really relates to one of the characters (Wendy). So I read the book. The whole time I am thinking, well if she's Wendy then she must think I am Daphne. Daphne is a big flake and kind of a pain in Wendy's butt. They "break up" at the end. I am a little offended through the whole thing. "Is this how she sees us? Does she not really want to be my friend anymore? We've been friends since 6th grade what a weird way to tell me."
I finish the book, and as I give it back to her I ask these questions. Guess what? Not about me AT ALL! The stuff about Wendy that she related to had nothing to do with the friendship part. I didn't even notice that stuff because I was so focused on what she might be saying about me.
Last night, we are out to dinner and drinks with a few friends. My husband makes a joke about blowing out his liver... how he wants us all to sit around saying how crazy he was and how much fun we always had with him. I have an absolute fit when we get in the car because all I hear is "I care more about drinking than I do sticking around to be with you. How you will feel when I am gone isn't important." Turns out he was actually just making a joke. He is not trying to drink himself to death. And he likes being with me more than anything in the world... which is something he says EVERY DAY!
So apparently I am a complete egomaniac! I guess I should be grateful to finally have my eyes opened to it. Especially since it is kind of a relief. I can just go ahead and be me instead of worrying how every move I make might affect someone else. Turns out (much to my surprise) they are all doing their best to be themselves... they are not spending near as much time thinking about me as I think they are. Wow. Cool.
No comments:
Post a Comment